Articles on parenting often include rules for children. That's fine, and so they should. But here's a list of rules for parents. These are absolute.
- If you do not want children, do not have children. Think about this in advance.
This is far and away the most important rule on parenting. It is certainly the most important rule my own parents ever taught me. The problem here is that most people do not think about this in advance. Ask yourself two questions: Do I want children? And, what kind of parent would I be? Do be honest. - Do not hit your children. Do not even think about beating them.
If you would not swat a dog, how can you believe that beating a child is okay? This is baffling to me. - Self-esteem is an important part of a child's development. If you disregard self-esteem, it is the worst form of child abuse.
Parents who place self-esteem above all else are misguided. But parents who completely disregard self-esteem do not attend to the most basic responsibilities of parenting: Raising strong, productive, and mentally and emotionally healthy adults-in-the-making. These people have no business raising children at all. - Do not have children to serve your own vanity.
Your children are not a scorecard. If you seek some form of reputational advantage for yourself because of the accomplishments or behavior of your children, you are not doing your job. Further, see number two; but if you beat your children in front of others, in order to maintain or enhance your reputation, you are a monster. - In the age-old debate between nature and nurture, a parent should take the position that everything is nurture. Short of physical illness, you are responsible for everything.
Parents let themselves off the hook by blaming nature. Take responsibility. - If your children fail to live up to your expectations, you are one hundred percent responsible for this failure.
There is no room for debate on this. Either your expectations were misguided or you failed to provide your child with the proper tools to meet those expectations, or both. Maybe you even hindered your child's success by violating the above rules?
I think this list is particularly relevant for parents who have estranged children. Before you blame your child or external factors, you should ask yourself: Did I violate one or more of these rules? And even if you disagree with these rules, as irresponsible parents most certainly will, you should still ask this question. It might shed some light on your situation.
Now a list of rules for parents could be endless. But every additional rule that comes to mind seems to be derivative of one or more of these six.