On Child Abuse and PTSD

I recently read that adults who suffered abuse as children often have symptoms of PTSD.  We have all heard the term PTSD, but I really did not know how this related to child abuse.  So I Googled:  child abuse ptsd.  And this short 2011 article popped right up:  The Lingering Trauma of Child Abuse.

The most salient paragraph:

Once a child has grown to be an adult, however, symptoms of PTSD can become more subtle as he or she learns how to cope with this in day-to-day life.  The symptoms of PTSD can be quite general and can mimic other disorders:  Depression, anxiety, hypervigilance, problems with alcohol and drugs, sleep issues, and eating disorders are just a few.  Many have problems in their relationships and trusting another person again.  Many even end up in abusive relationships and find themselves re-enacting the past.

Which of course eerily corresponds with what I wrote myself last year in The Shadow.

But as so often happens, it was in the comments (sadly since removed from the article) that I found the most useful nuggets.  Here's a comment and a response:

Spanking  Different children need different forms of discipline.  That is because kids are all different.  My two children are very self-willed and headstrong; just like their mom.  So if talking to them doesn't work then I will spank them.  I sit down and put them over my knee and spank them.  And you know what?  Their attitudes improve every time.  Spanking your kid is not abuse.  I've seen abuse and spanking isn't it.  I want to raise a kid that I can respect and like.  I'm not raising jerks, thank you.  Oh and btw, [I always explain] why they got a spanking and also that their mom loves them more than anything on this earth.  There's a right way to do it, ok.  Have a nice day :)

You abusers always tell us  You abusers always tell us you do this because you love us, and this hurts me more than it hurts you – but you never let your kid hit you to see if that is true, do you?  We know how stupid that, and you, really are.  Attitude improvement??  No, your kids just get quiet because they do not want you to keep hitting them and hurting them!

You want a kid you can like and respect, eh?  Well, that is not your job as a parent.  Your child’s purpose in life IS NOT to please you and give YOU satisfaction!  That is why you had kids?  To give yourself pleasure?  That is what you think your kids exist for?  Your gratification, satisfaction, entertainment and legacy?

It is all about you, isn’t it? Your child’s life is not our life.

You will probably be surprised to find out what your children really think of you someday.  Sadly, you probably will not get it even then.  You will join the group of parents who sob loudly and cry big tears about how you gave them everything, told them you loved them, and have no idea why they have cut you off.  You deserve to have them in your life, and they ungratefully refuse to come around.  You will not understand why they left and won’t give you the love and attention you deserve.  After all, you did it the right way, so it can’t possibly be your fault.

You are not teaching your kids anything.  You are beating them into submission.  They will do or say whatever they must to keep you from hitting them.  Are you truly stupid enough to think they will come to you with problems or ask you for help when they know they will be hit for it?  Yeah, you probably are that stupid.  Abusers are.

How do you like being an abuser?  You will deny it...they always do.  Enjoy your denial sandwich. 

Sure, I would have expressed it differently.  But she gets the job done.  One additional comment is worth noting:

The law  It's a sad, sad thing that most nations in the world have not banned so-called physical discipline.  By not doing so, they actually allow adults (among them, drunken adults, unstable adults, sadistic adults, religious adults, pedophile adults) to traumatize children.

I'm glad I live in a country (Norway) where all spanking is forbidden by law.  Under five percent of the world's children are that lucky.

All of these quotes have been lightly edited for clarity and readability. 

Understand that I personally never use the word spanking.  The word is used to hide and justify abuse as a legitimate form of discipline.

And I wanted to include that final comment, which is actually the first comment to the original article, because it is so on point.  Unstable adults.  Surely that must include irrationally angry and contemptuous parents.  Maybe this is part of the reason Norway has developed into one of the richest nations in the world:  They don't mistreat their children.

𓐵

Series:  Beating Little Children

Part One of Three