To whatever extent I can, I try to leave my siblings out of my writings here. But all three of us have suffered mental health issues in adulthood. What are the odds of that? One out of three might be statistically about normal. Two out of three might be a high statistical outlier. But three out of three? That is something altogether different.
I only mention this in order to assure the reader that I am not some shallow ingrate with daddy issues. The kind you occasionally find on the very popular subreddit, Raised by Narcissists, and on other similar sites.
I don't think I am. In order to maintain my relationship with my parents, I was able to set aside my issues for more than thirty years of adulthood. The issues were there, but I had put them behind us. It was only my parents' renewed misconduct along with their reinvigorated attitude of self-righteous impunity that belatedly led to our estrangement.
The sad reality is this: Behind the veneer of respectability lurks a common and wholly unrepentant child abuser, who longs for the day when he could simply beat his children into submission to his will, however irrational it may be. And it has always been this way, I just did not want to face it. I mean, who wants to face that?
The final break was eighteen months ago now. I question my actions every day. But I should not. My actions were really only reactive. My parents' conduct and attitude terminated our relationship. I reacted in the only way I could to protect myself. It was self-defense. And further, estrangement finally allowed the pain of my childhood and the reality of our ongoing relationship to come to the forefront.
And what this has done is made it clear to me where my lifelong battle with depression originated. As Babbel suggests in her article, I have suffered with depression and relationship problems all of my adult life.
For some people, perhaps most, depression may be the result of a chemical imbalance. But for me...well, I know the source of my shadows.
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